A New Beginning?

Well. After 4 1/2 years of doing virtually the same stuff at work, and having that house in my name for 4 years, I may be close to some big changes. I learned on Friday that I will be transferred to LakeCentre (our Boulder facility). I will have 4 new teammates, a new supervisor, new work (clinical, not commercial), a new schedule, a new town to further explore and a different process to learn. I also have very interested buyers in my house who are SUPPOSED to give me an offer soon. I oan move back to Lafayette, or Boulder, have no more worries about my mortgage payments, and I'll also have Saturday-Wednesday night off. So, plenty of time for a class, or job, or whatever. The point is my life is about to be shaken up and for me, this is a good thing. Hopefully, it will spur me into investing more time into my hobbies (or A hobby) or into furthering my education. Sometimes I think I would get too bored in a class, but other times, I think I need the stimulation. Either way, I won't know until I try. Like Paul Hauck's book says "Don't be afraid to do things. You needn't do them well, just do them." It's good advice for me.

I want to get two bumper stickers. One, "Don't drink and drive". I went out for Del Taco last night, it was rainy and visibility was poor. I could tell some cars which were having trouble focusing, staying in the lane. It was 11 on a Saturday night. Undoubtedly, some of these folks were just having trouble driving in the rain. Others, for sure, were drunk. I have driven while drunk before and had no business being on the road. Now that I quit drinking, I realize how much of a danger I was and how easy and stupid it would be to crash. So, my message probably won't do much to change the world, and it's really cheesy, but if I can save just one life or get one person to think differently, I feel it to be a success. Of course, I will have no way to tell, but what the heck. I also want to get "Peace" or "Relax" or something to that effect. Not that Colorado drivers need that reinforcement, but I guess it would be a daily reminder to myself too. Life should be enjoyed. Life is too short to be angry or bitter. I am trying to get better at enjoying simple things in life. It will take me a long time to get all my angers out, but I feel like I'm maturing to the point where not too much bothers me anymore. Okay, there is still A LOT of stuff that does, but 5 years ago, pretty much everything in this world confused or bothered me. Now, I realize to just let people do what they want, live and let live. I still want to advise people and tell them how they can help themselves, but will no longer get angry if they can't change. I just need to accept people for who they are, all people have flaws and no one is perfect. It is very very difficult for a perfectionist to accept this notion, but I'm getting there.

Well, for being 4 am, I'm pretty awake and alive. I'm excited to sell my house. I think I will buy some nice furniture and a nice TV and maybe even a real bed! I am sick of living like I'm 20, with no furniture, blah blah blah. I want a nice comfortable place to come home to, not a warehouse to sleep in. Kajal knows what I'm talking about. :-) I will SPEND some money on myself for once. I spent all my free money on contractors the past 3 years. All in all, I've put about 20 grand into my house. Just think, if I would have bought a nicer house, I could have my car paid off and 8 grand worth of TVs and furniture by now. Of course, the memories of the Halloween parties and stuff wouldn't have happened either, so like Kajal says, you can't live your life with "what ifs".

I like writing in this blog. I still can't fully tell ALL my thoughts, since this is technically a public forum, but writing has always made me feel better and hence I've been keeping a journal for 17 years. I also need to listen to heavy metal, or good music all the time, something I've been neglecting also. I still have exercise on my mind too. I weigh 227 now, gained a lot of weight in the past year. Life isn't about being perfect at any given time, but human nature is, or should be, about constantly improving yourself. Not necessarily getting more successful or having more money, but improving yourself by kmowing yourself better, and customizing your life to what's right for YOU, not anybody else. Because what I've realized living alone in the middle of the country for 4.5 years, is that you should make yourself the most important person in the world, not anyone else. Take care of yourself first is the only way to be truly happy.

The end.

Positive Vibes

Today started out very poorly. After getting denied a loan despite a high credit score and good salary, I resorted to using the F word many many times, something I rarely do. Rare for me to even say 1 F word. I went to bank 2 and after the banker telling me she couldn't tell me if I'd be approved based on credit score and salary alone and after trying to "sell" me on a new checking account, switching banks and filling out an app anyway, I got out of there quick. I went home, tired, hot and with no funds. I then spent another 40 minutes on the phone with the credit card company and my banker, trying to dispute my credit "blip". It was a one time $7 finance charge that I didn't bother to pay in 60 days. For that, I'm getting a hard time over a small loan. Unreal. Well, then the day turned. First, paypal cash from Miss D. Then, I slept a nice long peaceful sleep. Then, approval for LOC at my bank (I guess the banked convinced the underwriter (stupid AJ!!)). Then, get to work and find out I'm not in the company's plans to be laid off. Whew. I feel so good now, though I lost a friend in the layoff. :-( For dinner, I had an Italian Chicken sandwich from BK. Good at the time, but not so happy in the stomach now. Work is easy tonight and the Rockies play tomorrow. They beat the Phillies, but they are a humble young team so I have no animosity towards them. Hopefully, Rockies v. Indians in the WS. Also, picked up Jason Wright in FF. Yeah!